As the mom of an 18-year-old and a 14-year-old, which seems unreal to even say, I feel like I am in a constant season of change and transition. If I have learned anything over the years, it’s this: nothing stays the same for too long—there is always a pending change on the horizon when it comes to raising kids.
I’ve realized that there comes a time in parenting when your role shifts — from doing everything for your child to standing back and cheering them on as they figure things out for themselves. And the thing is, it doesn’t happen all at once. It’s a gradual change, filled with these quiet, sacred little moments. Some transitions are apparent, like graduating from high school or playing their final game. But others? They slip by almost unnoticed, like the last time you read them a bedtime story or the day they stopped playing with their favorite toys. When the realization of an ending hits you, it can feel like a punch in the gut. The thought of “I’ll never do that again with them” can be tough to swallow and grasp.
There is much emphasis on the early years of parenting because that is when everything is new and you are just trying to figure things out and survive the days, but what about these later years? This is the tender, bittersweet chapter of parenting, one that’s completely normal and undeniably part of life, yet it stirs an ache so deep, it’s hard to put into words. People often say parenting gets easier as our children grow up, but I’d say it simply becomes a different kind of hard.
My oldest son, Garrett, graduates high school next week — and I keep finding myself asking, “Where did the time go?” I look at him- at the young man he is, and the man he’s becoming, and I can’t help but think about how quickly it all passed. How did that sweet little farm boy turn into this confident, independent, and incredibly self-sufficient person right before my eyes?
And then there’s my youngest, Seth, who’s just about to finish eighth grade. “How is my baby starting high school in a few short months?” It feels like just yesterday they were both little boys, running around, playing with tractors on the floor, and needing me for everything. Now I blink, and they're growing up faster than I can process. I wish I could slow time down, and I wonder, “Where did my little boys go?”
I am not unique, though. These are the questions and thoughts we all have as parents. So, today, I want to talk about the seasons of parenting older kids- the transitions no one really warns you about or prepares you for.
A Mixed Bag of Emotions
Watching your child step into young adulthood is a mix of pride and pain. You’ve spent years teaching, nurturing, guiding, and keeping them safe. And now, you’re being asked to step aside, not because they don’t love you, but because they’re learning to do things on their own. It’s the natural progression of things, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
This independence and self-reliance are what you raised them for, and yet, there’s a quiet ache within your heart as you see them become this new version of themselves. It’s not like you wish for them to live in your basement forever, yet you miss the noise, the chaos, and the being needed. You naturally wonder if you did enough, and you try to figure out who you are without them relying on you every day. There’s an anxious realization that it’s time to rediscover yourself to a degree, which can be exciting and terrifying all at the same time.
This is where love becomes less about holding on and trying to control, and more about trusting the seeds you planted throughout the years.
It becomes about realizing that how you let them go is equally important to how you raised them.
The Quiet Grief of Change
There is a quiet, subtle grief that comes with this stage of parenting. It’s the kind that unexpectedly sneaks up on you- the instant well of tears when a Facebook memory from years ago pops up, or how a particular song or scent can instantly transport you back to when they were little.
You look at them now, maybe taller than you, and more mature looking than you’re ready for, and still, you see the toddler with sticky hands and a missing front tooth, or the school-aged child grinning up at you. That version of them never really leaves. It lives in your heart and mind forever.
This kind of grief doesn’t mean something’s wrong. It means something mattered. It means you’ve loved deeply, and now, you’re learning how to love in a new way. This new kind of love is no less meaningful; it’s just different and uncharted territory, and that is one of the most complex parts.
Learning when to step back can also bring a new kind of grief. We were used to just doing things for them when they were younger, but as they grow up, that changes. It can be incredibly hard to figure out when to speak up as a parent and when it’s better to stay quiet and let them find their own way. It’s a constant dance, and not always a graceful one. Sometimes we do well, and think, “I just nailed that, that was a great mom-moment,” and other times we make mistakes and think, “That was a total fail. I should have done that differently.”
Self-doubt, worry, and second-guessing- all totally normal in my opinion. I believe most parents feel those things, right alongside immense joy, excitement, and overwhelming pride. Parenting at this stage is an emotional rollercoaster- perhaps the wildest one we’ll ever ride.
The Beauty and Joy of This Stage
It’s not all sadness, aching, self-doubt, and worry- not even close. There’s so much joy in this season, too. We must remind ourselves that letting go doesn’t mean losing them. It means creating space for them to become who they’re meant to be.
This is incredible to witness and experience. Watching the humans we’ve birthed, nurtured, guided, and poured our hearts into grow, thrive, and eventually fly on their own is one of the most fulfilling experiences there is. Pride hits you at unexpected moments when you see them chase their dreams, hit milestones, or simply become good, kind people. You see them be polite, help someone out, or go the extra mile, and your heart feels like it might burst. It’s hard to put into words sometimes how deeply proud you can feel. Parenting really is the best job in the world; I have yet to find anything that compares.
There’s also a whole new kind of relationship to embrace with our older children. We’re no longer the ones doing everything for them. Instead, we step into the role of mentor, of steady presence, of someone they know is always there, if and when they need us. The conversations deepen. The laughter feels different- richer, and more mutual. We connect in new ways, which I am finding to be pretty amazing.
Yes, there’s an inner ache, but there’s also so much to celebrate as our children grow into themselves. We begin to understand and empathize with our own parents and remember when they went through the same challenging transition we are facing now. We realize everything comes full circle, and life is as they say, “a blink of an eye.”
A Shift in Parenting Perspective
It’s okay to miss the past…the post-nap snuggles, the bedtime stories, the trips to the park, and the sweet sound of little voices calling your name. Those moments are treasures we carry with us always; they’re woven into the fabric of who we are as parents, and they’ll never be lost.
But don’t let nostalgia blur the beauty of what’s right in front of you now.
This chapter, filled with deeper conversations, shared laughter, and growing independence, isn’t a loss. In fact, it’s a tremendous gain. It’s a new and exciting season of connection, discovery, and meaningful “firsts.” Sometimes, all it takes is a simple shift in perspective to see it for what it truly is.
So, embrace this season wholeheartedly. Just like the early years, it’s one worth savoring. You’ve planted the seeds with love, and they have taken deep root. Now, step back and watch them grow.
